we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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