We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
