Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize