sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
