I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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