my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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