May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
