what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize