Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
