Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
