Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
