if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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