Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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