My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
