i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
