Jerry, you need to find god
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
