I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
