We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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