I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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