You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i now understand why vodka
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
