It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
