Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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