turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i've created a new STD.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
