I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
