My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
