from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I could make wine with my vomit
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
