mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
