eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
