me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
