nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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