Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
