you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
