something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
