I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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