Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
