The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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