I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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