Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize