i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
