Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He shit in the fireplace
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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