I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
