Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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