it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
