Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
