had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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