WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I touched a dick in church today
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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