I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
