So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
