I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i think im in europe. pls send help
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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