Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
