White coat. Heels.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
