im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
