The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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