I love black thongs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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