when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
