just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
