I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
