i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
where are my eyebrows?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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