What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
