your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
