i don't like sucking hair
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
